The lord of the rings

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One Ring to lớn rule them all, & One List to lớn rank them all


Whelp, I’ve sầu officially hit a wall in quarantine. I’ve sầu played Final Fantasy VII Remake. I’ve logged a good twenty hours into Final Fantasy X-X2. Every night I watch Twitch streamers, & I’ve downed a bottle of bourbon. And a bottle of tequila, but that one’s a bit hazy. I thought I had nothing left khổng lồ vì chưng with my boredom. Then, as quiông xã as the dizzy feeling I get when I jump off the couch too fast, I remembered The Lord of the Rings.

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So I’m doing it, & whoever reads this is stuông chồng with me. I’m ranking the Tolkien/Peter Jackson Cinematic Universe. All six major films, from The Fellowship of the Ring khổng lồ The Battle of the Five Armies. This is going to be fun – at least for a few movies. I’m solely looking at the films themselves. Differences between books and movies will not be considered, & lore/information from outside sources will not be weighed. Also, I will be using the extended editions, duh. So with that, let’s vì it.


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Balin, Fili, Kili, and…Honestly, I have sầu no idea what the rest are named.


6. The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five sầu Armies

I want lớn say this upfront. I have sầu fond memories of The Hobbit & its trilogy of films. My friends và I made sure lớn attkết thúc the midnight premieres, even though I know half of them couldn’t tell you the difference between Mirkwood & Rivendell. I cherish these memories. But, this trilogy is not good. And honestly, the third installment in the franchise outright stinks.

This movie should have been called The Dwarf: Thorin Oakenshield is the Only Important Character. Because, well, the entire movie is focused on Thorin. Bilbo, the “main character,” is fodder for Thorin’s story, & this is ridiculous.

The synopsis of the film is as follows: Smaug is dead. Thorin is rich and goes crazy. Thorin doesn’t trust his companions or honor his promises. A battle begins between orcs, elves, & dwarves, but Thorin won’t help. Finally, Thorin comes to lớn his senses và joins the fight. Thorin defeats the villain but is injured in the process. In the over, Thorin is sorry for his mistakes và dies. And Bilbo goes back lớn The Shire.

It Get’s Worse

Oh, and if you thought Bilbo taking a baông chồng seat lớn Thorin wasn’t bad enough, you’re mistaken. This movie essentially became a backstory for Legolas.

Why? We didn’t need hyên. And we certainly didn’t need the elf/dwarf love sầu story between Evangeline Lilly’s Tauriel & the dwarf Kili. They’ve known each other for maybe an hour? Yet, they’re so madly in love sầu that they would die for one another? Yawn.


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If this movie spent as much time on its characters as it did on CGI, it might’ve been half decent.


Lastly, ALFRID! This character is so useless. Did Peter Jackson seriously want comedic relief this badly? I mean, he wasn’t even funny. His scenes were crude và tasteless. There were thirteen dwarves whose comedic ability made them charming in the first film. But no, I guess we needed a ton of poorly written cross-dressing jokes and a buffoon with an unkempt uni-brow. On top of that, I forgot that Alfrid’s last name is Lickspittle. Lickspittle?! Come on, Jackson, come on.

There were some cool action scenes. I’ll give it that. Bolg smirking while Legolas’ blade entered & exited his had was badass. And Martin Freeman’s portrayal of Bilbo was fantastic again. But these positives weren’t enough. Even with a few bright spots, nothing could save sầu this movie, và it saddens me.

5. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

If this movie got one thing right, it was the title. I certainly did not expect it to lớn take 45 MINUTES for the journey khổng lồ begin. There is nearly an hour of exposition và plot cài đặt. Trlặng it down. This could’ve been an hour and forty-five-minute film, và it actually would’ve sầu been pretty good. Instead, we got a lot of telling but hardly any show.

Almost twenty minutes was dedicated to lớn explaining Thorin’s past. Another chunk of time was spent on Frovì. Frodo? He isn’t born yet! He’s not a character in this, và he already has three movies about his journey. I lượt thích tín đồ service, but this was 100% unnecessary.


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Despite all the hate the movie gets, Martin Freeman’s Bilbo is one of the most likable characters in the Tolkien/Jackson universe.


I didn’t feel connected khổng lồ any character besides Bilbo, which is a big problem. Tolkien’s world of Middle Earth has already been well established in the LOTR films. Time should’ve sầu been spent on getting lớn know Bilbo and the dwarves, not The Shire and Dale. If anything, highlight Lake-town instead of Dale. But really, don’t even worry about including that. I want lớn know the dwarves.

But, the dwarves never got the justice they deserved. After watching all three films this week, I can match a name & face khổng lồ 5 of the 13 dwarves. Let me repeat that: 5 out of the 13 dwarves. Absurd.

A Fun Ride, Just Not What It Could’ve Been

An Unexpected Journey wasn’t a total bust. There were some entertaining and enjoyable scenes. The dinner meeting at Bag End set a cool tone, though it ran on for a bit too long. Bilbo is soaking in the peace of Rivendell và his game of riddles with Gollum. Both were remarkable và highlighted Martin Freeman’s show-stopping performance. I liked Goblin-town và the troll scene. But, without a connection lớn any of the dwarves, it felt like a handful of good scenes pasted together with little lớn no filling in between.


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The early dinner scene was fun. It was a great introduction khổng lồ the dwarves. Too bad the rest of the film did nothing for them.


4. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

I’ve been mean so far, & I feel like I should toss The Hobbit series a bone. That said, I think The Desolation of Smaug is a good movie. It doesn’t breathe the same air as The Lord of the Rings, but it is a sound film.

DOS felt like a complete story. The secondary dwarves still didn’t get the shine they deserved, but new characters managed lớn carry certain scenes. The plot progressed smoothly, & the timeline was coherent. Each big scene leads khổng lồ another, and the space in between was meaningful.

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Truth be told, Smaug is one of my favorite movie villains. I wish Jackson gave sầu hyên some more screen time in The Battle of the Five sầu Armies.


Smaug was frighteningly intimidating, & the tension between hyên and Bilbo was even better than Bilbo và Gollum’s in the previous film. The spiders of Mirkwood were an appropriate foe for the company và allowed Bilbo to lớn take the lead. And, Beorn is awesome. The film does a great job of fleshing out his pain & resentment of orcs without wasting time on unnecessary exposition. He delivers his story quickly to lớn the dwarves, và the plot promptly moved forward.

Still Flawed, But Better

The film still has it’s giới thiệu of issues, but I’ll be more kind this time. Again, the elf/dwarf love story is pointless. It never truly goes anywhere, và in the kết thúc, it was for naught. Similarly, Legolas doesn’t need lớn be in these movies. There are 13 dwarves, a hobbit, & a wizard who could have sầu managed just fine without Legolas’ presence. And lastly, just like in The Five sầu Armies, Alfrid is brutally horrid. I’m not too fond of the Master of Lake-town either, but I can live with hyên being a minor antagonist.

I’ve sầu disregarded Bard the Bowman throughout these discussions because I neither enjoy nor dislike his role in the films. Though I must say, his children receive sầu far too much screen time.

3. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers


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I know, I know… Elves at Helm’s Deep. But, the fight was awesome, và you can’t hate on that!


Truth be told, I think it’s fair to lớn rank The Lord of the Rings movies in any order. All three are phenomenal in their own right, and Jackson created the most celebrated film trilogy ever when he made these movies. The love sầu & care for these projects are clear from the opening moments of the trilogy, & I am thankful for them. But, I bởi vì have sầu to lớn rank them, so The Two Towers is number three.

To me, The Two Towers is more or an action movie than an epic story about overcoming evil. That’s not a bad thing, but I prefer the more human stories of The Fellowship and Return of the King.

I find the real magic of LOTR lớn be the stories of Sam, Frobởi vì, Merry, and Pippin. Middle Earth is a vast, dangerous place, & seeing its happenings unfold through the eyes of mere hobbits is humbling. It reminds me of how small we all are but also shows that we are limitless.


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Gandalf’s return was hype AF! The only thing more hype is Legolas’ arrow skills.


Frovày & Sam manage to lớn weave an interesting story alongside Gollum in The Two Towers, but Merry and Pippin aren’t nearly as valuable. They’re still charming as hell, and their ties to Treebeard are necessary for the Battle of Isengard. But if I’m honest, they’re background characters.

Most of the film is either depicting war or is in preparation for war. Don’t get me wrong; the Battle of Helm’s Deep is probably the greathử nghiệm battle ever shot on film. But war movies aren’t my favorite. And with that said, The Two Towers has to be number three for me.

2. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

This was the hardest decision out of the bunch. The Return of the King is often considered the best of the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy, and half of my heart agrees.


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“No man can kill me.” But, Eowyn is no man. Seeing a female character defeat, one of the main villains in a male-dominated cast was awesome on so many levels.


This film has everything. Frovị gives inlớn the One Ring’s temptation, only lớn have Gollum’s blind allegiance to the Ring save sầu hyên ổn & cause its destruction. Sam remains loyal to lớn Frobởi vì throughout the journey & earns God-tier friend status. Pippin fights at the Battle of the Pelennor Fields, and Éowyn ends The Witch King despite a male-dominated cast. Aragorn leads an army of ghosts inlớn battle và becomes King of Gondor. Saruman meets his demise. And Sauron is defeated.

The Return of the King could not have sầu been better. In my opinion, it is perfect, and the reason it’s number two is quite silly. I prefer beginnings more than endings. The Fellowship of the Ring’s creation of Middle Earth opened my eyes to lớn the world of fantasy, và I’ve never looked bachồng. I know it’s silly, but The Fellowship of the Ring just means a little bit more to me.

1. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

Watching The Fellowship for the first time is likely the happiest I’ve been when watching a movie. I love these characters, và every single one serves a purpose. The world is vast but feels like trang chính. I don’t know how to say it, but it’s important to me.

Unlượt thích The Hobbit franchise, I have sầu a connection lớn each member of the Fellowship. Each character, even lesser ones lượt thích Elrond and Isildur, provides crucial world-building aspects for Middle Earth. The residents of The Shire show that not everyone in Middle Earth is ready for war. Gimli demonstrates the stubbornness of dwarves without a narrator having khổng lồ tell me about it. And Legolas personifies elegance and the S-rank capabilities of elves.


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One Ring lớn rule them all, One Ring khổng lồ find them, One Ring khổng lồ bring them all, & in the darkness, bind them.


A Tough Decision, But The Correct One

On top of sublime characters, The Fellowship of the Ring has some of the most iconic moments ever captured on film. Who doesn’t know Gandalf’s “You shall not pass”? Or, “One does not simply walk inkhổng lồ Mordor.” The Nazgul were terrifying & served as a balance to lớn the high spirits of hobbits. And, of course, one of my favorite scenes, Bilbo’s reunion with the One Ring in Rivendell, foreshadowed Frodo’s future corruption.

This movie builds a world, but it also tells us a lot about our own Earth. We see severe temptation & the ways it can change people. There is sacrifice. Teamwork but also fallout among mỏi friends. Even though there are elves và dwarves & a wizard, this movie is more human than most. It’s beautiful.

To cthua, this movie, as is the rest of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, is incredible! The Fellowship changed my life, và I’ll always have my copy of the extended edition nearby. I’ll watch it during breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner, and supper. The time và place bởi vì not matter. The trilogy’s first chapter is timeless, and The Fellowship will always be a classic. If you want khổng lồ put Return of the King first, that’s fine, và I won’t argue. But for me, The Fellowship is the best experience out of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, và it is my number one.