Batman v superman: dawn of justice movie review
A spoiler-packed guide to all that’s off about the superhero clash, from Lex Luthor as a malfunctioning android khổng lồ Bruce Wayne’s fickle take on demolition
This piece contains spoilers for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Don’t read it unless you’ve seen the film or don’t care about spoilers
Like a big, wet glob of fetid bird droppings tumbling down from the sky, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice has landed with an audible splat. It’s been almost three years since director Zachồng Snyder revealed the project at San Diego Comic-Con and in those years, the multimillion-dollar hype machine has been slowed only periodically by rumblings that something was amiss with the film. Amid splashy trailer releases và return trips khổng lồ Comic-Con there’s been a steady drumbeat of skepticism in the background. How bad could it be? Well, it turns out, pretty bad.
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Where does Batman v Superman's mauling leave sầu Warner's plan for a DC comics cinematic universe?
Despite the 30% Rotten Tomatoes score, you probably rushed out và gobbled up this picture with the reckless abandon of DJ Khaled confronted with a horse trough full of fried chicken. You – the hypothetical reader whom I am very certain is terribly attractive, very intelligent, & wise beyond your years – probably want someone khổng lồ explain what it is you just witnessed. I would lượt thích lớn offer up my expertise free of charge so that you might better understand the many layers of this motion picture sự kiện. I warn you now that this is a spoiler-heavy article, so if you haven’t seen the film & want to remain untainted, please clichồng away immediately. I won’t mind. I mean, you’ve already clicked on it anyway, so cha-ching.
‘I can’t vì chưng all the grinning and bearing by myself, Ben’: Henry Cavill & Ben Affleck. Photograph: Dave J Hogan/Getty ImagesThe film opens with one of many dream sequences. Let me just say here early that Batman v Superman is mostly dream sequences, and those scenes that are not dreams still seem lớn function as though the basic laws of reality bởi not exist. Granted, this is a film about an alien & an alcoholic billionaire pervert throwing each other around in the rain while grimacing heavily. I should probably cut it some slaông chồng.
Anyway, Bruce Wayne dreams about his parents being gunned down in front of a movie theater. This is intercut with Bruce Wayne tumbling down a hole where he discovers a massive sầu gathering of bats in a cave. These bats swarm around hyên, magically lifting hyên up and out of the hole while he strikes a Christ pose. In other words, we are off lớn a smashing start. After that, we witness Metropolis being wiped out by Superman and General Zod from the last movie. Superman destroys one of Bruce Wayne’s buildings by accident, which makes Wayne hate Superman. This is an important plot point. You see, Batman only approves of the destruction of private property when he’s the one doing the destroying. Later in the film, Batman tears through the đô thị in his own personal tank, blows up some cars, shoots up a building with his Batwing, kills numerous anonymous henchmen, & lures a dangerous mutant baông xã to lớn a populated area without a coherent plan to lớn defeat it. But he’s not an alien, so it’s OK. I should also mention that Bruce Wayne has a second dream about his dead parents in which blood pours out of his mother’s tomb, then explodes lớn reveal a detháng inside of it. I think maybe he has some unresolved issues.
Bruce Wayne is not alone in hating Superman. The United States government is none too pleased with the last son of Krypton leveling large parts of a major city. Lex Luthor, a wealthy businessman and scientist, also hates Superman. Now, you probably couldn’t quite figure out why Lex Luthor hated Superman so much. Unlượt thích Batman, he has no clear professional jealousy. In fact, in a brief aside, Luthor mentions the construction projects his company undertook after Superman wrecked Metropolis. If he had just kept his mouth shut and let Superman topple a few more buildings, he could have kept raking in the government contracts for decades to come. Instead, he spends most of the movie trying to lớn get Batman & Superman to fight, then creates a boss khủng in a pool of brown nhà wc water for no reason. I thought this guy was some kinda genius? It doesn’t make sense at first, but upon second viewing, it’s clear that Lex Luthor is actually a malfunctioning apk và his moronic behavior is due lớn his circuits being fried. Every bizarre character choice can be chalked up to lớn what I lượt thích to điện thoại tư vấn the “Android Defense”. Something happened in Batman v Superman that doesn’t make any sense? It was probably done by a secretly malfunctioning robot.
Sorry, got a bit off trachồng here. Batman has another dream, where Superman has become a fascist dictator with his own army of stormtroopers. Batman is a lone freedom fighter rebelling against Superman’s iron rule. At the kết thúc of the dream, Superman punches a hole in Batman’s chest. Batman wakes up and sees The Flash (not identified as such, I just know because I’m a nerd) inside a time vortex. Flash explains some important plot points for another movie, then disappears. Why is The Flash invading Batman’s dreams? Why did he travel bachồng in time? He’s got to juggle a lot of balls & he only has one butler to handle all of his affairs. He’s not a huge note-taker và doesn’t maintain an iCal. Things slip through the cracks. That’s why he sent The Flash baông chồng in time in the first place, like a really elaborate Post-It note. Unfortunately, if Batman had never forgotten about his dream, he never would have sent bachồng The Flash khổng lồ remind hlặng about the dream, which creates a major paradox, which I don’t want to lớn get into lớn right now.
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I haven’t even mentioned Wonder Woman, AKA Diana Prince, warrior princess of Themyscira. Wonder Woman periodically shows up at parties lớn annoy Bruce Wayne. She steals some computer files from Lex Luthor during a fundraiser for a library or something. Then, Bruce và Diana meet at a totally different tiệc nhỏ where they stare at a dagger in a glass case. You may have wondered whose buổi tiệc nhỏ that was, why either of the characters were at that các buổi tiệc nhỏ, and what the point of the knife in the box was. Look, cool people get invited khổng lồ parties all the time that you don’t know about. You should be used to lớn this by now. Stop asking. It makes you look desperate.
Bruce Wayne opens up Lex Luthor’s computer files & discovers a pholớn of Wonder Woman from the first world war, plus some trailers for other Warner Bros movies. Luthor even designed logos for all of these movies in Adobe Illustrator. Why does Lex Luthor have four blatant bits of hàng hóa placement on his computer? Because he’s been maintaining a secret double life as a film publicist. You thought running a multinational corporation while trying to murder an indestructible flying alien was hard? Try selling the Aquaman movie.
Baông xã to lớn Superman, he’s quite depressed over the mixed reaction lớn his theatrical heroics, và I don’t mean the đánh giá for Man of Steel either. Some worship hlặng for his daring deeds, while others are terrified of the unchecked power he wields. Using that divided public opinion against hlặng, Lex Luthor attempts to lớn frame Superman for a variety of very un-Superman activities – shooting up a village, neglecting to lớn stop a suicide bomber, & drinking red wine with seafood. Of course, Superman would do none of these things, but that doesn’t stop the public from turning on hlặng, playing directly into lớn Luthor’s hands.
Dejected, Superman flies off to Buffalo, Thành Phố New York, or some other desolate, snow-covered landscape. There, we are treated khổng lồ yet another dream sequence. This time, Clark Kent imagines seeing his father throwing bricks on to a pile of other bricks while telling a story about inadvertently ruining the lives of his neighbors during a flood. At this point, you may have sầu asked yourself why Superman flew out to lớn this barren wastelvà. You may have also asked what that pile of rocks was? Maybe you thought it was the place where Clark Kent’s dad is buried, but I’m fairly certain it’s been established that he was buried on the Kent farm. So why the hell is Superman having visions of his dead dad in the middle of nowhere? As with everything, there is a simple answer. Nothing reminds me more of Kevin Costner’s acting than a pile of rocks, bricks and twigs in the snow. So, it’s natural that when one sees a pile of inanimate objects, one would pause khổng lồ consider Kevin Costner. This movie makes perfect sense.
Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman in Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice. Photograph: APConsidering the title of the film, Batman và Superman fight toward the kết thúc of the story. It’s as brutal and ruthless as it is boring, with the fisticuffs coming khổng lồ an abrupt over when Batman realizes that his mom và Superman’s mom have sầu the same first name. If only Biggie & Tupac’s moms had the same first name. They might still be here today.
Lex Luthor’s quái vật, Doomsday, is unleashed and Batman, Superman và Wonder Woman join forces lớn defeat him. Why did Lex Luthor create a monster he couldn’t control when he easily could have sầu just shot Superman with a kryptonite rocket 30 minutes inlớn the movie? Why did he waste all of that time convincing Batman & Superman lớn fight if he was just going khổng lồ create Doomsday? What if Batman killed Superman? Would Lex Luthor still have a need for a rampaging, uncontrollable beast?
At the end of the film, Superman sacrifices himself lớn defeat Doomsday, leaving Batman and Wonder Woman lớn size the Justice League in his absence. Lex Luthor has gone crazy (because he is a malfunctioning android) & has had his head shaved because long hair is strictly forbidden in solitary confinement, as everyone knows. He could have sầu hidden a knife or a grenade in that moptop. Batman mourns his frikết thúc, who he had been pals with for a grvà total of a couple hours và had previously been single-mindedly obsessed with murdering. Why was Batman so broken up about the death of a man he had spent two years despising? Because, as a great man (me) once said (right now, for the first time), the greathử nghiệm friendships are the ones that burn out the quickest. If you learn anything from this movie, it should be that. If I were Warner Bros, I’d be throwing that brilliant aphorism on a T-shirt right now.
